Forty years is the one year where the traditional list and the modern list stop arguing. Both say ruby. That sounds like it makes shopping easier, and it does the opposite, because ruby means jewelry to most people and jewelry is the one category where a fortieth anniversary gift is hardest to get right.
What is the 40th anniversary gift?
Ruby, traditionally and in the modern list both. Rubies were once believed to hold an internal fire that never went out, which is the obvious metaphor and a fair one at forty years. The garnet colored stones sold as ruby at low prices are usually not ruby, and a real one at a size worth noticing runs into four figures fast.
Should you buy a ruby?
Only if she already wears rings and you know her size. This is the trap in the ruby year. A woman who has worn the same wedding band for forty years has strong opinions about what goes next to it, and a surprise ring is a gamble at any budget. Ruby earrings are safer than a ruby ring. A ruby colored object she did not have to have an opinion about is safer still.
How do you use ruby without a stone?
Use it as a color, in a small amount, on something with her name and his on it. That sounds simple and it is where most of our fortieth anniversary orders end up. A deep red at ten to twenty percent of the surface reads as ruby. A deep red across the whole surface reads as a stop sign.
Here is a production detail that matters if you are choosing colors on a screen. Red is the hardest color to get right on wood. Warm red over a birch grain pulls orange, and it keeps pulling orange as the finish cures, so what looks like a true ruby in the mockup can arrive closer to brick. On a canvas print or a white acrylic panel, red stays red. If ruby has to be exactly ruby, do not put it on bare wood.
What do couples at forty years actually keep?
Pieces that record something specific rather than pieces that say congratulations. Four that come up most:
A star map of the wedding night, which for a 1986 wedding produces a sky nobody else has. A timeline sign holding the five or six dates that actually mattered. A family established sign with the year, which at four decades has quietly become a piece of family history rather than decor. And for the couple who cook together, a cutting board, the only thing on this list they will touch every week.
Who is buying the 40th anniversary gift?
Usually the children, sometimes with the grandchildren chipping in. If that is you, a piece of advice from the order notes: pick one giver name or none. We get a lot of requests to fit "love from Sarah, Michael, Emma, Jake, and the grandkids" onto a 12 by 16 inch sign, and it turns a gift for the couple into a family roster in small type. Put the names in the card. Put their two names on the sign.
Is a fortieth anniversary gift supposed to be big?
Not physically. The mistake people make in the milestone years is sizing up because the number is round. Wall space at this stage of life is usually full, not empty. A 16 by 20 inch piece that fits above a console table gets hung. A 30 by 40 inch statement piece gets leaned against a wall in the guest room while they figure out what to take down, and sometimes it stays there.
When should you order?
Three weeks out is comfortable. Everything is made after the order arrives, so there is real production time between your click and the box. Spring and early fall are the heavy weeks for anniversary orders because that is when people got married, and those are the weeks our lead times stretch.
If you want to see the range before deciding, the anniversary gifts collection is the place to start, and this piece on gifts for couples married years ago covers the part the year lists leave out.